Thank god it’s a holiday weekend as I need to sit and do nothing. Which I’ve solidly mastered by the way; most folks aren’t content to sit in solitude but I’m quite capable of sitting and simmering leftovers of ‘coulda/woulda/shoulda.’ It’s such a drag really, pulling my past into the future is not a good thing; I need to leave the past behind me. Five years ago this July I left a 25-year relationship; I lost my 20-year career to the recession almost three years ago this fall. Yet these life-changing events still simmer. And I stew over what should have happened but didn’t. It’s not healthy but if you’ve ever mindlessly picked at an itchy scab you know where I’m coming from.
This is International Mr. Leather weekend in this town. Last year’s turnout exceeded 15,000 bears, daddies and leather enthusiasts from all points around the globe converging at Hyatt Regency on Wacker Drive. (no pun intended there) I went to the lobby bar yesterday and hung around for a couple hours. Nothing shocked me as in year’s past; nor did I run into a single person I knew. I did discover a new libation though: Absolut Pears and tonic; it was very refreshing; two would have put me into a joyful slut mood. It was also $11 bucks in a smallish plastic cup so that sorta’ chafed my ass. Like, the Hyatt ain’t making enough money hand over fist (no pun intended there either) at this annual mega gay event.
Today promises to be a scorcher. I have no plans nor anyone to do anything with anyway. I hate this town and this space I find myself in at this age. But I’m also a whining bitch; I need to grow up and fix what I can within myself and fuck what anyone else thinks. Nobody is going to stand at my grave and think “bitch was so classy.”