So I went for it. Which is so unlike me it’s notable enough to share here. You’ll need the back story minus costuming and lighting effects.
For several weeks/months I’ve been graciously smiling and nodding to a particular lobby security guard at my office building. It’s all reciprocal as he’s been actively returning the nods and smiles and silent mouthed ‘have a good night’ when I exit for the evening. I dunno; go figure: all I want to do is kiss him on the mouth and I have no very good reason or explanation for that thought process other than that ephemeral, hard to put in a bottle, chemistry thang one always reads about. “We just had good chemistry…” sounds so match.com bullshit, I know.
Which is absurd as I know nothing about him other than the obvious; he looks good in his navy jacket with skinny tie uniform, he wears a bit of goatee scruff really well, and his silver and white, close-cropped faux hawk hairdo suggests maintenance and perhaps a fun, spirited outlook. And by ‘fun, spirited outlook’ I mean someone who would rip my shirt off, buttons pinging off my hall closet doors, and f*ck me to the consistency of summer picnic butter. ahem.
Yesterday when I was leaving for lunch he said “…Headed out in this?” while pointing to the gentle snowfall. I don’t know what my reply was because I went on auto-pilot. Over a bread bowl of chili I decided to take the balls by the horn: I bought him a sugar cookie for my return entrance. And the rest, as the expression goes — is history.
Well, no. We’re not looking at Vera Wang china. But he was so gracious when I offered him dessert for his afternoon break; we chatted a bit. He seemed sorta’ shy but carried his end of our brief conversation about where I work/what I do and where he lives in this city. We parted all smiles and twinkling eyes. I gave him by business card. If he’s a really A+ web stalker he’s already got my work history on Linkedin, my address, and seen a few society page photos captured at events around town this past summer.
There’s a very steep flight of escalators to the upper lobby. It didn’t occur to me until later that he watched me giggle like a school girl and excitedly text a coworker. I have no idea where any of this will lead. And maybe it’s just nothing more than a lobby conversation over a simple sugar cookie treat. But I did it. And that’s not like me at all. There’s a new year just up ahead and maybe I simply need to be more ‘not like me at all’ with a clean slate ringing in at midnight.