At best my posting to this blog is intermittent. Or sporadic. Or whenever I fucking feel like it. Because some psych workplace online personality quiz scores me ’empathetic’ I feel the need to apologize for my lackluster posting every time I return here to sweep the cobwebs. Like anyone cares, right?


This year is all about change. Some sort of cosmic lightbulb clicked around the holidays (for the record ‘cosmic lightbulbs’ flicker around a second bottle of medium-priced chardonnay) that I needed to change some louche habits. And beyond the louche habits I sought to change my physical appearance; in a year’s time I have packed on 16.5 pounds. To that end in mid-January I joined a pricey health club and bought a personal trainer package for 24 sessions as well as began the arduous process of dental veneers.  It’s time to start smiling again. And while the cost of this adventure has perhaps diminished my ability to pay for, say, a dozen months of additional assisted living care somewhere down the pike I can assure you I will be the senile old man wheelchair cruising the hallways with a red carpet smile. As God is my witness.

All of this change has upset my standard operating procedure of trashy porn, wank, work, drink, sleep, work — rinse and repeat. Too, the notion of a health club…shit, let’s just call it what it is, gym — sticks in my crawl from way back in the day of high school bullying before it became fashionable and political. Yes, I was bullied non-stop; had I thrown myself off the local bridge I assure you no one would have cared about my queer ass racing down river. But I digress.


To date I’ve achieved a modicum of success; my weight is down, though I have no clue as to how many pounds I’ve lost because I’m not playing with that ‘up a pound/down a pound’ merry-go-round. I feel much better overall; I have more energy on the weekends which typically were a dark self run amok with depression, cocktails and Bette Davis clips in the darkness of my living room. I have started cooking again. I’ve dropped processed frozen meals; I now steam vegetables, I slow-cook stews, and I bake fish.  I’ve cut out bread, candy, and carbonated beverages. Initially the process was like meth withdrawal but I’ve come ’round to enjoying a home-cooked meal versus zapping something in the microwave and standing over my sink with the plastic container and a fork. Depressed much? Change your view: I eat at my dining room table now.

bw_cheshireThe dental veneers are…hmmm, I think about 45% near completion. That is the upper temps are in place post-prepping my for reals teeth. And by ‘prepping my for reals teeth’ I mean every tooth I own was shaved, narrowed, and diminished beyond even what I had imagined in my cray cray head. Do not Google dental veneer procedures or you’ll never get in the chair. The dentist mowed five porcelain crowns; in my Xanax haze I figured $4K of existing dental work was trashed. Meh.

So. I have no idea where this is all headed but my goal is to be reasonably fit and more attractive of a catch by my Gemini birthday. That’s really not a lot more time but saving my own life is worth the pain of exhausted muscles and the throbbing of sore gums. This new year is all about me. And I think it is time for a few folks to warm up to that idea.