Wow. Here we are. Christmas 2018. I checked my archives and I’ve managed to post (and not post) for six years. It seems the muse strikes at the holidays; they’re such a time of reflection, don’t you agree? We either pin our hopes on what possibly may land beneath the tree come Christmas morn or stir the embers of faded memories that recall Christmases past. Another house; the kids still at home–no empty nest; a healthy Christmas bonus — a living room floor filled with gaily, foil-wrapped gifts…don’t those types of memories always rise this time of year? I recall a $10,000. (net) Christmas bonus back in the 90s. It was the Reagan era, wasn’t it?!  Greed is good; I filled the condo with real pine, real poinsettias, premium vodkas, and better imported wines that year. Le sigh.

I have a tendency to dwell in the past. And yet, if you process it logically–the past was once ‘in the moment’ and I bitched and whined for happier days then, as well. I think it’s my genetic nature to swim in dark, murky memories. I like to pick at nearly healed scabs.

Mother became sadistic at the holiday season. “See these gifts?” as she’d sweep through the family room in a waft of Gloria Vanderbilt perfume from the garage to her bedroom closets. “Here’s everything you’re getting for Christmas; if you want to ruin the day…go ahead and snoop through these bags.” We were teens; insolent, lazy, and mainly coming out of our respective bedrooms for Bugles snacks and Cheez-Whiz. But I digress.

It is pouring rain today. If this was snow, I’d be harnessing huskies as it has been a downpour since my early a.m. waking. And while I do have errands to run I may just futz with the holiday trim that is up. I can shop my walk-in storage locker and come out with at least three separate Christmas trim looks. I’ve gotten better in my advancing years: I’ve kept the color scheme to gold and red the past few seasons. It seems to work. And I can always add more gold or more red. Though I truly long for one more ‘vintage’ Christmas tree look. The one with Shiny-Brite ornaments, tinsel, and those big screw in-type light bulb strands. (and that look is all in storage, too.) I just need the right mood to think about dragging all that out as it does sort of pull one back into another time and another place. While some of those memories are cherished. Just as many are sad AF. But let’s wallow in boo fuck’n hoo another post.