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Here we are. The week before Christmas. Saturday I ventured out and into the belly of the beast: Macy’s at noon. I lasted less than an hour due to the large crowds and small staffing. Generally I order online because it is far more convenient and affords one relative safety from random gunfire in this city. Not kidding: I will not venture to our downtown area after 2pm.

Macy’s was buzzing with the usual tourists from the tri-state area who drive to the city to buy mulled wine and overpriced Christmas ornaments at the plaza’s Christkindle market. The city Covid risk alert was raised to ‘medium’ a couple weeks ago which was my cue to wear a mask on public transportation. But by the looks of the masses Saturday the pandemic is over. I could count the number of masks on one hand. Minus a sales associate to assist me with finding the damn dog sweater on sale I thought the health risk too high what with all the coughing and crowds. I got the hell out of there.

My next gift shopping destination was Neiman Marcus and by contrast it was a relatively calm experience that can only be offered when one strolls the main floor drunk on the co-mingled scents of premier perfumes and buttery leather goods. There was a rope up and a line had formed at the Goyard boutique and I envied those that would receive a thousand buck wallet come Christmas morn.

Upstairs in the giftware and fine china department I was soon separated from $300 dollars for desk top objet d’art for a dear friend’s Christmas gift. Since it went on my store charge its not like it was ‘real money’ that I counted out from my peasant pouch of loose quid. My Neiman’s charge is on auto-pay so I don’t really see the cyber credits/debits of my shopping habit. That should also explain why I’ll end up sitting in my own urine at a state funded hell hole nursing facility, mon cherie.

While fingering a luxe Versace dinner plate and silently lamenting how I’ve evolved to zero entertaining nowadays, the tall, dark and handsome security guard with a German Shepard walked through the department. It wasn’t as jarring a scenario as it was this past September when I first encountered the dog-in-hand security guards. Yes, shopping in this town now requires a gunpowder sniffing dog for my safety.

I have one gift to mail today and after that drops I will slip into holiday mode: I’ll answer emails and send “thinking of you” e-cards. I have zero expectations for Christmas day. And I think that’s the best mindset to have. My plan for Christmas day is pizza and taking down the tree. It’ll be a first but so was yesterday: it was the EXbf’s birthday and the first time I wished him a happy heavenly birthday.